Just after the United States’ much anticipated presidential and vice-presidential debates on foreign policy, YouTube’s new audio preview feature — a take away idea from the popular web-comic XKCD — isn’t doing much to boost America’s stature on the international stage. In fact, Youtube’s new feature, which I’ll affectionately refer to as YouTube’s Sam, probably supports the policies of the last eight years — as evidenced by this text-to-speech translation.

That’s right folks, you heard it here first. YouTube’s Uncle Sam translates “All your base are belong to us” as “All your base are belong to U.S.”

I can see the campaign commercial now: WARNING: He’s pro-war, and he wants you!… to get a moose rifle and join the Army.

Sorry, I had to do it.

Though he can’t really be pro-anything, he does seem to only support mostly-correct English, something I’d doubt shows up a whole lot in YouTube comments. That said, it’s a cool feature, but he won’t be making stump speeches anytime soon.

Here’s a few more gaffes I found while exploring what he had to say:

• “I am an American.” translates to “I A.M. an american”
• “Barack Obama” translates to “Barrack O-BAM-a” (Like “barracks”, and “Alabama”)
• “Sarah Palin” translates to “Sarah Pal-inn”, a common mispronunciation.
• “Mmmm, I like cheese.” translates to “em em em em I like cheese.”
• “em em em em” translates to “em-em-em-em” (faster)
• “em-em-em-em” translates to “emerganim” (I have no clue)
• “jajajaja,” Spanish for haha, translates to “juhjawjuhjuh”, even on Spanish YouTube.
• “haha” translates to “heya”.
• “ha ha” translates to “ha ha.” Must we type a space?
• “lol rotflmao you are sooo 1337 haxor.” translates to “lawl wrotefulmow you are sue-oh thirteen thirty-seven hackser.” So he’s not 1773. That’s fine.
• And last but not least: “Tim Coulter” translates to “Tim Coulter.” Can’t argue with that!

Oh, Sam only supports 150 characters for translation. And he doesn’t do the roflcopter.